having . I hope this helps a little to work out where your are at. I cant change the world so i try to take what i can and leave the rest but its complicated. Schizo. This brings out the worst in him ,but at least Im no longer his whipping boy. Both narcissists and Asperger's patients are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but Asperger's patients are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide. Recognize that if your partner hurts you, it is not intentional. My family.. hates me with a.. mortal passion. ADHD and Narcissism: Is There a Connection? - Psych Central It is also possible that someone with aspergers may be misdiagnosed as having narcissism, as the two conditions share some similar symptoms. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. Because i could sit .. and write down all of this.. all the proof that shows.. its real. The more I got to know him I realized he would talk incessantly about himself, his daughters, his hobbies, his past job in law enforcement, his health. They may try to keep their demons at bay until the demons pounce on them and take them over. Even 100 years ago, it would be very rude to ignore a letter. My brother stopped communicating with me. Im NOT an expert in anything but I do feel a strong sense of destiny and have no idea how to tap into it or where it needs to lead. So now, one might wonder, what is really meant by normal? I cannot change her, she is the way she is. The world changed in the last 2 years Have you seen? However, hes very one-dimensional and not connected to his feelings. He also spoke about how a child with autism may come home from school and want to play a DVD, video game or such like, over and over in the same afternoon. Not everyone wants to help like I do. I have also recently realised that there is a recognised name for how my hub makes me feel energy vampire . Im sure you receive benefits which means you may not understand how to manage you expenses. I found it very beneficial. Another suggestion, find your running boots before he drags you down and makes you believe you are all the things that are going wrong in his life. I came from a home where there were lots of people always in our home and we shared everything we had. And yes if you can get away from the blackhole like spirit of these people you are unwittingly facilitating. I watch everyone outside .. its a free-for-all in the world. Through his questions and suggestions and understanding and friendship, and also through reading a book by Alice Miller that he recommended, I came to a new understanding, not only of my case, but at the same time of the whole human condition, mental health in general, suffering in general, why there are wars, why real love is so rare, and so on. He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. If this fellow you have been seeing does have Aspergers as you mentioned he watches the same movie over and over, you will need to learn as much as you can about the condition to be able to understand how to handle someone with it. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. he a generous man, kind in a funny way, like washing dishes, hoovering, etc without asking. People making excuses for Narcissists, hiding what they are behind Aspergers, which is not something to joke about, need to stop. AMAZINGLY because of the way he was and because of my self medication with wine to get through this. If they do this, then they are Narcissistic, if they dont then it is Asbergers. The first thing I did when I found out what had been a troubling situation for so very long, was to learn what makes individuals with different levels of autism tick. They say narcissists and sociopaths prey on nice people and people with compromising mental conditions. They cant or wouldnt. We developed fantastic intimacy when were were in that space, and I doubt Ill find anything to compare with it. Think I am almost there. ! And end up leaving a 12,500$ limit credit card on my kitchen table.. in case of emergency ffs she had done the same 10 years before by making me have a 10,000$ student loan i didnt even need or asked for that she made me have after i succeeded 1st year of college and my family started to panic at the idea that i could finish my degree and turn against them so i spent summer working where she lives and have her work my brain for 3 months to end up destroying me just before i go back to school.. with 5,000$ in bank. When its a guy like me that has to enlighten the whole god dam healthcare dep of my region on how its insane to let a autistic guy like me in a foundation cauz i cant live on my own or take care of me fully.. let the guy starve to death! He then insists I look at them several times a day, tells me hates them, and he cant cope with how upset they make him. Very kind regards, I cannot help but point out any inconsistencies or double standards and am unable to take them in my stride or let them go. Break up and never look back. After my email.. they made me pay for it on the spot.. they called ambulance.. said i was being sent to hospital (my family used that to control and scare me sendm e to hospital calling me crazy without reasons to destory me). So on top of all that.. i am trying to convince myself that im smart, good, etc. When he has a rage its off the scale! With the last one, yes we can offer advice, but it still goes back to the individual to think for themselves. I also realise I have been happy to get into narcissistic relationships in the past without knowing what I was getting into. He found it fascinating and helpful. The Myth of Normal, by Gabor Mat with Daniel Mat (in a previous edition, entitled When the Body Says No, but I recommend the new edition) hell often make comments about other peoples teeth and how he wishes his looked like that, or says things like I bet they dont have the problems with their teeth I do.. I wouldnt have survived to write this if I hadnt had an enormous amount of very good quality help from books, friends and therapists. But then dam that looks so narcissistic. I know that this is the wrong thing to do but it is a powerful thing that certain people have over me, and try as I might, it is a habit that I have yet to be successful breaking. I see him starting to ask me questions about myself because I think (hope) hes beginning to care about me more. But the relationship was then, and hard, and without that relationship I mentioned, with the Aspergers/Narcissicistic person, I would not have had my second breakdown in 2015, which was more severe than the first, and took much longer to recover from. I get silence which is painful to me but caused by his inability to communicate. There were a couple of sayings I came across that made me think, and I found they helped me as well. The 4 great novels of Dostoyevsky (Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, Demons (aka The Possessed), and The Brothers Karamazov I need to mention some good things about him as a partner so as not to appear one sided. Look to any anthropology. He loves history with a laser focus and when we go places Im expected to show the same level of interest he has or he thinks were not compatible. Ofcourse that didnt help make my life easier haha can you believe a ADHD senstiive autistic child in a family of cold-hearted monsters They wanted me to shut up but i jsut wouldnt. There could be a level from the really dense types, right through to people that are amazing. 6. less interest in sports or activities that involve coordination. But, even if i know i am sensitive, empathic. I call my mother i tell her about the 5k.. im thinking about therapies, ways to help myself. Narcissism or Asperger's? How to Tell the Difference It is liberating to understand the situation and adjust yourself accordingly rather than expecting the situation to adjust to you. An APA study in 2021 found that 79 percent of workers reported work-related stress, with many heading for burnout. A hug for you because I think you need one, and I hope you can rise above all this to a better life. I experienced first-hand an autistic person who didnt allow me to say no, heavily used guilt-tripping, and overall emotionally manipulated me through means of guilt in order to get what he wanted from me. There is no way I can leave apart from the fact that he could not manage without me, I am 83 and not able to consider going elsewhere I have no friends or family, I would be on my own. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/narcissism-vs-aspergers-how-can-i-tell-the-difference-1114174, Clueless about damage they cause even though they can be hurtful and, Hurts other peoples feelings and doesnt care, Has intuition and uses it to get narcissistic supply, Tends to flip into different modes or personalities (Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Well, finally after two + years with my boyfriend I finally got the courage to leave. Were taking time apart now as he thinks were not compatible because I didnt show enough interest in some historical place we were at and I lectured for an hour (was really about 15) about a subject I liked while at another historical place and he feels the list has gotten too long.. Should I chalk it up or try to understand this affectionate but one sided man? If we can generate these so called disorders in humans and animals (unethical I agree) with basic methods of no surprise to the modern up to date (i.e. I am finally free from the emotional yoyo that was my life and feel such relief. This article is disappointing. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. Step back and really take a look at him. He then showed me her photo on his phone and I lost it, knocking the phone out of his hand. I think my brother and sister, both younger than me, were abused too but they dont remember anything, and they dont believe what my story. With my 3 bro/sis all narc to heavy level its sure i was meant to be or .. am i? Still they can write down on a sheet of paper all the traits and signs i have of all the abuse but then when i put them in front of the reality they all suddenly become retarded on purpose and tell me i blame others for my failures its all my fault i need more more therapy always more therapy! Research and study autism and learn what you can to have. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? In the begining of our marriage I did find it quite difficult to accomodate his ways which I believe I am a very patient and tolerant person but there has been many occassions where I feel very hurt. No, but was referred to another phone number. Because of his homelife with his ex wife who was also a narsistic person that had major alcohol abuse issues and insisted on having 6 children (girls) he was totally burnt out by the time I met him even though his marriage had ended 6 years prior. However after a while new events/situations became more frequent, and I had no clue or understanding to respond to them same outcome, she left. I was advised no contact is one of the best ways. He meets ALL the criteria. Joanna. I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. And more than anything else i do it.. for me ME I try to make myself proud not others Thats the weird thing with my condition. Holey moley, sometimes you have to go deep down in the comments to find the real deal :) Thanks! The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk They are able to talk themselves up and can be dismissive of others. Id like to hear from some of these unusual couples as they may be an inspiration for less fortunate individuals. It would be good if this article was at the very least amended because it still comes up in search terms and it is perpetuating harmful beliefs. Why the denial (apart from the drug industry yes but apart from that)? Even with people you once knew well. Robin. Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. It was brilliant information and I now understand where my daughter is coming from and have adjusted the way I view her decisions and her actions. He had been three times married too. This doesnt always mean divorce but you do have to develope self worth in spades. What I have learned is he is who he is and he will never change. I have a 32 year old daughter who still lives with me and has high functioning autism, her personality is nothing like his was. The light she shines on me is scary at times. Im not sure if what I have written will help but I hope so even if its just a little. My child has been diagnosed as being Autistic. My family will do ANYTHING to avoid being wrong and to pass the buck something I also take umbridge with. Hes very religious with the cloak of being a christian. I hate liars and evils but that i have to deal with it as everyone is around me so well ya lol. Narcs want to be adored and to maintain control; if they pissed me off, I would not be able to hide it OR let it go. I dont intentionally do these things, but the result is the same: hurting the one person I have in my life (I dont have friends or family aside from her). Dont know if it will really serve me in life more than just knowing the truth and feel better but All i can say is.. (and thats when i wonder if that is narc behavior or simply just.. the pain and suffering talking) but.. i call them all sad losers horrible.. god dam.. losers Empty shells that destroy lives hurt everyone.. abuse autism and other things. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. I diagnosed my husbands Aspergers and found ways of managing it within our relationship. Narcissistic rage is an outburst of intense anger or silence that can happen to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. I think I partly understand why it went but it would take a lot of explaining, and Ive probably written enough in this comment. Its hard i have to act and look strong and narc to protect myself while trying to be good and do good around me undercover? Nine months ago his 34 year old daughter moved back in with him after getting a divorce and had an old dog that had been living with her friend while shed been married and now wanted it at her dads place to live with her. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/04/050411204511.htm. 'Do I Have Asperger's or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?' - HuffPost There is no known link between Asperger's and narcissism, and the two conditions are not thought to be related. Its easy for me to say you need to get a different perspective on life. Autism linked to mirror neuron dysfunction. For a man this is a somewhat embarrassing and diminishing situation and causes stress in itself. I cannot be subordinate to anyone, not even to try and fit in or to climb the ladder. The Aspergers description is clumsily written and inaccurate. LadyJay you have found what I have found. IIRC, there can be both types. . And from that point you are going down the superficial hill that most people go down when they do not have the skill, experience or knowledge of autism. I was an extremely broken person by the end of our marriage and spent many years working on myself as I have always been determined to want the best out of life. I also put in a huge amount of effort to let him know he was number 1 and no one would take his place. She even pushed me to lose 100,000$ i had won gmabling while i was just tyring to quit knowing it was all going back. I had to read up on why this man was different & now I understand him a lot better! They teamed up on me to make me guilt trip and think its truly me the problem since they all agree that it is me. I do think he has a certain amount of autism as I have read a lot on that even before I met him, its a subject that interests me considering my own thoughts that I may have a small degree of it. The internet wasnt so easy 15 years ago so I did think it was me, being unwell added to my stress. He is the most loyal and dependable person I know and treats me like his queen. As my daughter says, those on the autistic spectrum are not quite the same as those, not on the autistic spectrum, but then she says she just doesnt fit into the guide of what a normal person in this world is expected to be. I am working on how to ignore his behavior and concentrate TOTALLY on my own happiness. we live in a world of extremes of both and there is your answer. Putting the list side by side made it easier to compare. and sympathise and I think that may be where some people with Aspergers may have difficulty. It was a bit of a shock to my system but I do feel Ive grown from these experiences. Another candidate could be Anders Breivik interestingly enough having copied and pasted bits from the unabombers manifest changing leftist to cultural marxist. We used to go out every Saturday, but now he pulls a face if I wanted to go somewhere, so we dont. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. His was all about him, him, him, hers is more about where she belongs in this world and the bubble (as she calls it) she lives in and has to step out of to face what goes on in the rest of the world. He is a truly great person to me just not to others. Paradoxically, people with both diagnoses are empathic and generous in ways that are both surprising and surprising at the same time. He certainly seems to be a box of tricks. One minute you are feeling ok about your relationship and the next asking yourself was it you that caused the situation where you needed time apart. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. Furthermore, many on the autistic spectrum are hyper-empathic and hyper-feeling, and if you speak with autistic people, you would know that. You have to change yourself, of course with Gods great help and leading. The Connection Between Asperger's And Narcissism - Mental Health Does he do horrible things, yes. On the day of our court hearing for our settlement my barrister told me that my ex husband was narsistic which I had never heard of before and went home to try and find out what that meant. Burnout is most likely to happen to good workers who are invested in what they do . Therapists foundation staff that have a guy like me.. messed up like me.. living there cauz i cant on my own ask help.. over and over.. and none understood that ignoring me.. or telling me to deal with it was.. CRAZY. I just feel so incapable of meeting her needs in terms of being empathetic and sympathetic to her emotional needs. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. He has reason to be upset, as successive dentists have not whats been needed and left him with some problems. Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. 7. Narcissism or Aspergers? Hi My name is Jenny. The worst case scenario was a workaholic trait which eventually took its toll and the sexual abuse came to light. I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself. This could be interpreted as intimidation and abuse of your easy going nature. Im also affectionate and have no problem calling him sweetheart or hon etc but the only term of endearment he has for me after one year is Missy saying hes just not like that even though he calls his daughter sweetheart all the time. He clearly resents that. I hope Ive now got an extra ten years up my sleeve. I didnt resent the fact that he wanted to stay a single man as he brought a lot to my life in other ways. happy?! If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. The book if anyone is interested is Look Me In the Eye. Most libraries have it and most bookstores. Recognize that your partner may derive pleasure from hurting you. Read some anthropology. Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. Although I still dont believe he is. Speaking from my own experience there is nothing I want more than to meet the needs of a partner and join with them spiritually. Luckily the most vital ones are on the autistic spectrum. Break up and never look back. He is a movie buff and can watch the same movie over and over, sometimes within the same week. I read the 2 columns.. autism vs narc. Aspergers in Australia is now called Autism and is on the autism spectrum. I firmly believe he has Aspergers(autism) AND malignant narcissism/obsessive compulsive disorder. The answer is that they are. Then dont be responsible for what they think); I am not my brothers keeper (in other words everyone has a brain, what we do with that brain counts. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. When I first met him I thought he talked a lot but he did ask me a few questions about myself and we got along okay. If I get upset about something he says Im too sensitive and were not compatible. Maybe they have to be taught, if willing. Oh yeah a mother that knows you got a serious compulsive gambling disorder that go through 6 months of no dont do that! It is very important to me. Warm regards, Jean. I feel there is something not right here, some kind of personality disorder which led me to your article on Aspergers. The Difference Between Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder Thought I would add my 2 I have been aware of having Aspergers Syndrome for 18 years (Im 55 now), most of the above is true from a Nuerotypical point of view, I have been married twice, they both failed, after about three years, my first wife just got increasingly frustrated and angry, I became increasingly sad, as I couldnt work out why she was becoming more angry and abusive. Its helped me work out my boundaries much better and he is easier to manage now that I can see what is happening. Asperger's: When Narcissism Just Doesn't Explain Your Partner's Consequently I had a melt down myself and put space between us. They are blind.. they see nothing. I did VERY well considering my start in life. HELL YA! 2. She lives with me. I was always a very confident female who felt she could accomplish anything I put my mind to yet he would always have a negative or VERY INSINCERE comment in front of others about anything I accomplished in my life. underneath them. I feel terrible about what I did. For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware, by Alice Miller I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. He may also have a certain amount of autism. Narcissism IS high functioning autism where intervention has failed and been fooled by a child desperate to survive and appear normal as they approach teens and social survival starts to become paramount. You need to free yourself and only you can do it. We all have our problems, and sin. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. In case anyone is concerned that I lashed out in a physical or highly abusive way to this woman, that is not the case. If I give him space he finds the words.